LearningTip #31:
Celebrate the Holidays: Teach Children about Giving
By Sharon Vincz Andrews, Ph.D.
Professor, Indiana State University
Mother of one son
Author, Teach Your Children Values: 95 Things Parents Can Do
Author, Teaching Kids to Care: Exploring Values Through Literature and Inquiry

America is an extremely "giving" nation.  It has been a part of our national character to volunteer or give service to those less fortunate than ourselves or to support political and religious causes in which we believe. 

You can teach your children to continue this tradition by making volunteering a part of your family's together time.  Particularly during the holiday season, the "giving of ourselves"--our time, our thoughtfulness, our joy--tells our children that the essence of celebrating in all faiths is what we give to others.

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Activities to Encourage and Teach Giving

The Gift of Time
Not all families feel that they can donate money to worthy causes or even that giving money is the most effective way to help individuals or organizations.  Sometimes, a more personal. commitment of time to help those in need can be a meaningful way to teach children to be less selfish and to be more grateful.  Help your child to see that one does not always have to be paid in order to do a service for others.  Kindness and unselfishness can be nurtured in children through example and encouragement.

*TRY THIS: Volunteer at a local charity, church, or soup kitchen and explain to your child how important it is to give back something of what we have been given.  Help children to think of their own volunteer projects--making craft items or toys for a hospital or church charity, doing yard work for an elderly neighbor, cleaning up a vacant lot near your home, or volunteering to watch and care for someone else's pet while s/he is on vacation. Work at a soup kitchen, church, or civic organization during the holidays or regularly. As a family, volunteer to be bell-ringers for the Salvation Army during the holidays.

"Pass-It-On Field Trip"
If you donate to a charity such as United Way or World Vision, discuss with your child the importance of sharing and supporting those who have experienced the tragedies of war, famine, and natural disasters.  Even young children can understand the idea of the "Golden Rule"--that we help others because we realize how grateful we would be to receive such help in similar circumstances.

*TRY THIS:  When a child outgrows clothing and shoes, let them help pack their used items with other family clothes or household goods that are no longer needed, and take a family trip to Goodwill or Salvation Army.  Ask the workers there to explain to your children what happens to the clothing and other household items and why it is important that the community support these organizations. 

Share the Joy
Children exhibit much natural joy and affection.  Nowhere are those lovely, youthful qualities more appreciated than at nursing homes. 

*TRY THIS:  If you already have friends or relatives at nursing homes, it is natural to take your children with you to visit and bring comfort to those living there.  If your children are learning piano or other instruments, they can play for the residents.  Not only will they find a willing audience for their hard work in learning their instruments, they will also experience the simple joy of bringing happiness to others through donation of a little time and effort.

Reading is Caring
Visit a nursing home.  Children can read books to residents--a number of excellent books about relationships between young children and older friends and relatives are cited below.

Writing is Caring
Children can also write to residents in nursing homes.

"Nudging" Questions
Lectures on caring, politeness, kindness, and so on rarely accomplishes what parents intend--changes in behavior. A simple question repeated each day over a period of time can accomplish much in the way of letting your child know what you value without lecturing. Lecture on caring, politeness, kindness, and so on rarely accomplish what parents intend--changes in behavior.  A simple question repeated each day over a period of time.

*TRY THIS:  Ask your child a question at dinner or when s/he comes home from school, a question such as, "Who were you especially nice to today?" of "Did you help anyone today?"  At first the question may seem strange to the child.  If there is no response or the child says, "No one," just move on to discussion of the day's events or the task at hand.  Don't make a big deal of it.  Ask again the next day.  Soon the child will begin to notice their own kind deeds or find ways to be more helpful or kind.

Reading and Discussing Children's Books
There are a number of children's books that depict story characters giving, being unselfish, and showing compassion.  Reading these books together and discussing the themes can help children understand your values and beliefs.  For your convenience, the following books are linked to Amazon.com for secure online purchase, if desired.

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Non-Holiday Books about Charity, Unselfishness, and Compassion

The Secret Garden by Frances Hodgson Burnett.  (C)  Audio cassette; Spanish edition. Good read-aloud (also a movie) about a young girl whose parents have died.   She goes to live with a hermit-like uncle.  Ignored by him, she begins to understand love through her unselfish relationships with new friends and "a secret garden."

Magical Hands by Marjorie Barker. (P) William, a barrel maker, secretly does the morning chores for his three good friends.

Miss Rumphius by Barbara Cooney. (P) Spanish edition. Delightful picture book about an older woman who works to make the world more beautiful by planting flowers.

Uncle Willie and the Soup Kitchen by Dyanne DiSalvo-Ryan. (P) A young boy learns a lesson about unselfishness by helping his uncle at a soup kitchen.

Wilfred Gordon McDonald Partridge by Mem Fox.  Audio cassette. A touching picture book about a little boy who has many friends at a nursing home.  When Miss Nancy loses her memory, he helps her to find it through his own thoughtful strategy.

One-eyed Cat by Paula Fox. (C) Spanish edition. Hard lessons are learned when a boy accidentally shoots a cat.  He learns about compassion and forgiveness.

Miss Tizzy by Libba Moore Gray. (P) When Miss Tizzy becomes ill, neighborhood children try to make her feel better.

Rose Blanche by Roberto Innocenti. (P) A beautifully illustrated book tells of a young girl's compassion for prisoners in a concentration camp in World War II.  Her war-time death adds to the bittersweet message of the book. (Parents preview)

The Rag Coat by Lauren A. Mills. (P) A girl in a poor coal-mining town suffers ridicule because of a patchwork coat her mother has made her.  Classmates learn a lesson in compassion when she tells them about the memories each patch holds for her.

The Rainbow Fish by Marcus Pfister.  (P)  Spanish edition; Japanese edition; Hand puppet. Sweetly illustrated picture book for young children about a beautiful fish who learns about unselfishness by sharing his lovely scales with the other fish.

The Giving Tree by Shel Silverstein. (P)  Spanish edition. A simply illustrated book with messages on many levels.  A tree gladly gives her apples, leaves, branches, trunk, and ultimately her stump to a rather selfish boy.

The Tale of the Mandarin Ducks by Katherine Paterson. (P) In this beautiful retelling of a Japanese tale, a mandarin duck seeks to help those who freed him.

Mrs. Katz and Tush by Patricia Polacco. (P) A gentle story about a friendship between an older Jewish woman and a young African-American boy.

The Comeback Dog by Jane Resh Thomas. (C) A boy nurses a battered dog back to health but is disappointed when the dog doesn't immediately respond to his gestures of affection.

Compassion: Zach Lends a Hand by Shelach Canning. (P) Zach doesn't want to get involved when his neighbor's house burns down.  Then he learns the lesson of Androcles and the Lion.

Mother Teresa: Saint of the Poor by Nina Morgan. (C)

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Holiday Books about Giving

Christmas is a Time of Giving by Joan Walsh Anglund. (P) A much loved classic with Anglund's well-known and beautiful illustrations.

The Gift by Aliana Brodmann. (P) Delightful story of a little girl's tender-hearted, unselfish gift at Hanukkah.

Imani's Gift at Kwanzaa by Denise Burden-Patmon. (P) 

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