LearningTip #23:
Keeping Peace: Using
Activities and Books
To Promote Peaceable Behavior

By Sharon Vincz Andrews, Ph.D.
Professor, Indiana State University
Mother of one son
Author, Teach Your Children Values: 95 Things Parents Can Do
Author, Teaching Kids to Care: Exploring Values Through Literature and Inquiry

Making peace is settling the disputes of others and learning how to live in harmonious relation to family members, friends, and strangers.  In an increasingly violent and aggressive society, skills in peacemaking are absolutely necessary.  Many emotions lead to unpeaceable behavior:  anger, irritability, jealousy, to name a few.  Becoming peaceable does not mean eliminating emotions but rather learning to control them.  Parents and teachers can encourage children to learn how to negotiate quarrels without resorting to violence.  This article includes six "peaceable" solutions and books to reinforce them.

Parent Tips

Teacher Tips

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Activities

1.  Monitoring the Home Environment.

Parents need to show calmness and control in their own relationships with each other and their children.  Children can't learn to be peacemakers in a home where anger, yelling, intimidation, and physical violence are demonstrated by parents.  If you struggle with keeping your emotions under control yourself, make peacemaking a family project.  Practice together to discuss calmly and to find other ways to handle disagreement.  Try this: If a quarrel is developing at home and emotions are running high, excuse yourself and say, "I'm going outside for a few minutes to calm down.  I'm getting angry.  I'll be back when I'm more in control."  At a time when the family is calm and happy, set up some guidelines for what to do when someone is very angry:  go to your room, go outside, go for a walk, count to ten.

2.  The Time-Out Bench.

When children are losing control and seem on the verge of yelling, hitting, or losing their tempers, they need some enforced quiet time to regain their peace and think about alternatives to losing control.  Try this:  Have a soft, "calm" chair or bench where a child must sit while calming down.  Help them to understand that their feelings of anger are not wrong--everyone gets angry sometimes.  It is what they do when they are angry that gets them into trouble.  If they can maintain a peaceful attitude, they are far more likely to solve their problem wisely.

3.  Monitoring the TV.

Children learn a great deal about human relations and how people get along by watching the television.  Most parents whose children watch television will know about Ninja Turtles, X-Men, Power Rangers and other aggressive "might makes right" characters that children want to emulate.   Some parents do not allow children to watch violent children's shows on TV.   That would certainly be the first line of defense in helping your child become a peace-loving adult.  Other parents feel that their children will watch the shows at friends' houses anyway, so why not use the shows to teach some lessons?  Try this: Videotape one of your children's shows so that you can stop it at any time and not miss the action.  Pause at places where other methods for resolving the problems could be tried.  Discuss with the child the alternatives to violent action and why these would be preferred in our everyday relations with others.

4.  Role Play "Explosive" Situations.

Children need practice in controlling themselves and in thinking of alternatives to violent, angry behavior.  It helps to give them some opportunity to "try out" their peacemaking skills in pretend situations.  Try this: Write out several role-play situations that are common in your child's everyday life at home and at school.  Write each situation on a separate sheet of paper and put all of them in a jar or bowl.  It becomes a game as children pull out a slip of paper, you describe the situation and they act it out, showing how they can use their peacemaking skills to resolve the problem.

5.  Peace Table.

Children need to learn to accept responsibility for the consequences of their decisions.  They have their own strong sense of right and wrong and will likely want to assign blame for many incidents.   You may want to agree or disagree with their judgments about the rightness or wrongness of their friends' or siblings' actions.  It is helpful to establish and refer to your "house" rules in order to discuss the dispute.  Have the children help you develop some rules for keeping the peace in your home.  Keep your list short and simple.  Here is one simple rule that covers a lot of moral ground: "I will not hurt anyone on the outside or the inside."  Having established at the roundtable whether the actions in question are in accord with the rules, it is important to set the tone for achieving peace: the parties must forgive and move toward solutions.  Try this:  When there is a disagreement among your children, invite them to the peace table.  Each child has a turn at telling what happened.  Each child then tells how he or she could have acted differently or more peacefully and then proposes a solution that will be fair to all.  The children must stay at the table until the dispute is peacefully resolved.

6.  Children's Books that Focus on Peacemaking.

Read books about characters facing conflict and/or difficult situations.  Discuss the stories and consider the characters' options.  Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of each option.  Have the child relate the theme, or lesson, to his/her own life.

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Books

The following books deal with issues of peace and peace-making.  The "P" identifies picture books; the "C" designates books with chapters.  The books typed in red are linked to Amazon.com, the secure web site of the Earth's largest bookstore.

Friends From the Other Side/Amigos del Otro Lado by Gloria Anzaldua. (P)

A young Mexican boy and his mother have recently crossed the Rio Grande River into Texas.  As they search for a new life, trouble follows them. A brave young Mexican-American girl befriends and helps them.

The Search for Delicious by Natalie Babbitt.  (C)

A fantasy in which a king is creating a new dictionary.  He asks one of his subjects to go throughout the kingdom in search of a good definition of "delicious."  The man's different definitions lead to an uproar in the kingdom.  A mermaid comes up with a good solution for bringing peace back to the kingdom.

Old Henry by Joan W Blos.  (P)

A touching picture book about an older man whose neighbors do not understand him.  He seems to create a messy nuisance for everyone.  By the end of the story everyone has a new appreciation of what Henry has to offer and he makes peace with his neighbors.

The Wall by Eve Bunting.  (P)

A gentle book about a family's visit to the Vietnam War Memorial.

The Big Book for Peace by Ann Durrell, Marilyn Sachs, Lloyd Alexander, and Natalie Babbitt (Eds.). (C)

A wonderful collection of poems, short stories, and letters about peace making.  Something for every level of grade-school children.

Owen by Kevin Henkes. (P)  Spanish edition.

An absolutely delightful story of a conflict between a little mouse and his parents over his "blanky" and what to do with it now that he's starting school.  A perfect solution that satisfies everyone is found.

The Giver by Lois Lowry.  (C)

An amazing tale about a twelve-year-old boy who has been chosen by the elders in the futuristic society to become the next "giver"--the holder of the memories of the community.  (Upper elementary and middle school --Parents preview.)

My Hiroshima by Junko Morimoto. (P)

A graphic but beautifully illustrated book about the effects of the atomic bomb on Hiroshima and the memorials that are held to remember the victims.  (Parents preview.)

The Great Peace March by Holly Near.  (P)

A book that includes everyone in efforts for peace.

Peace Begins with You by Katherine Scholes.  (P)

A simple picture book about each one's responsibility to be peaceable and gentle.

I'm Terrific by Marjorie Weinman Sharmat.  (P)

An oldie but goodie.  Jason Everett Bear is insufferably good, according to his friends--"a mama's bear."  He learns how to be a friend and to value his real identity.

Angel Child, Dragon Child by Michelle Surat. (P)

An interesting book about a young Vietnamese girl in an American school.  She has been separated from her mother and feels alone and unloved.   She finally makes peace with a boy who has been unkind to her.  Everyone learns a lesson.

Sharon Vincz Andrews teaches in the Elementary Education Department at Indiana State University.  This article is a version of a chapter from Andrews' book, Teach Your Children Values: 95 Things Parents Can Do.  Bloomington, IN:  ERIC/EDINFO Press (1997)

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